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How to Rule the World: A Handbook for the Aspiring Dictator

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First of all, free tampons, legal abortion everywhere, and actual jail sentences given to 100% of rapists instead of the 5% we see today. And hopefully, with the right head-bitch in charge, there would be some kind of limit to how much a man was allowed to interrupt and mansplain.

We would of course have a list of Dudes Who Are All Right, who would get to suggest laws every once in awhile. Justin Trudeau, Jeremy Corbyn, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Sadiq Khan, Channing Tatum. But they’d have to work topless. It’s just the law. ‘Women tend to make more holistic decisions’ Green politics has a history of woman leaders, from the inspirational Petra Kelly in Germany, to Vandata Shiva. I’m proud to be part of a movement that’s had women at the top table. Of course, having female leaders isn’t an end in itself. It’s part of a broad movement that sees women taking their rightful place as equals at every level in society. ‘Unseen female executives mobilise other women’ Last year, for example, the G8 leaders announced that they were determined to achieve the goals of the Kyoto protocol limiting climate change and that they would preserve and strengthen the anti-ballistic-missile treaty. The second the convoy stops going to Step 1 they fail. They already failed and don’t know it like you imply above. They failed when they hit the road because they assumed worthiness instead of becoming it and they’re in active denial of it. This rule can save every item in your inventory after your death, so you won't lose important stuff.

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If women were in charge, I doubt that eight men would have the same wealth as the poorest 50% of the world’s population. Eight! I’ve had more people on my trampoline at once. When a group of men whose combined wealth equals that of 3.6 billion people can comfortably frolic together on one trampoline, it’s time for a leadership change. ‘Women would never be the victim’ But it's not hard to see how a world parliament could bypass and undermine dictatorships. Just as proportional representation in European elections has encouraged us to start questioning our own, flawed system, genuine global democracy would highlight democratic deficits all over the world.

It’s not about leaders and role models. It’s about sisterhood and working together. If we only had women MPs, right now Labour would be in government with a huge majority – because we’ve got 119 and the Tories have only got 67. That’s a good reason to have only women MPs. A democratic assembly would almost certainly replace them with something like Keynes's "International Clearing Union", which would force creditors as well as debtors to eliminate third world debt and improve the balance of trade. We acquiesce in this system every time we buy salad from a supermarket (grown with water stolen from Kenyan nomads) or step into a plane to the climate talks in Bonn.So what do you say to your friend when he turns to you and says, “but how do I even start? How do I begin to become worthy?”

For a routine this is enough, but it’s hard to sustain for a whole novel. And despite all the travelling around I never felt we went anywhere. I was reminded of those stadium comedians who walk up and down a massive stage endlessly, as if giving us some sort of journey. Fischer is a great literary comedian, but with this novel there’s not so much a sense of an author running out of steam but a whole genre dying on its feet. As the prime minister, Rhys Muldoon delivers the dark charisma needed as well as some superb comedic moments. Photograph: Prudence Upton I don’t think I would like a world ruled by women, if I’m honest, any more than I would like a world ruled by men. For me, it is about equality. I would much prefer a world that is properly balanced, in terms of the contributions men and women make to society. It’s not about making women the leaders – it’s about making men and women equally able to succeed as leaders. Only 40% of senior roles in financial services are held by women. We definitely need to get closer to 50% to get financial services to a place where they’re going to thrive in a balanced way. ‘Women ensure sustainability for future generations’ Since then, empires have waxed and waned, but that basic economic formula holds true: we in the rich world live in comparative comfort only because of the inordinate power our governments wield, and the inordinate wealth which flows from that power.In 1937, George Orwell observed that "every revolutionary opinion draws part of its strength from a secret conviction that nothing can be changed". Bourgeois socialists, he charged, were prepared to demand the death of capitalism and the destruction of the British empire only because they knew that these things were unlikely to happen. We don’t know what the world would look like if women ruled it, but something’s not working at the moment. While we can’t say for certain that women would make a better fist of it, or behave any better, what we do know is that when women are in leadership positions, or involved in decision-making, societies work better. There is less violence and instability and more peace. If the following statements make sense to you, congratulations! You have purged the poison of modernity from your brain, and are breathing the clean, pure air of traditionalism. I imagine we would call it the Law of Sschhh: if a woman says sschhh to a man, he is bound by law to go home and sit down and shut up. Soon, there will be no sexual assault, no catcalling, no mansplaining, no #notallmen. China has curbed its carbon dioxide emissions while energy use in the US has soared. Indeed, the only fair and lasting means of reducing CO<->2 (namely "contraction and convergence", which means working out how much pollution the planet can take, then allocating an equal pollution quota to everyone on Earth) would surely be impossible to implement without a world parliament.

Owen is right about the convoy: focus on home and hearth or to him homesteading and community. He’s a comedian so he plays for laughs but that’s literally his set up to the joke. I got caught up in the laughs and missed the point yesterday. The Ethiopians would have the same number of representatives as the British (and rather more as their population increases). The people of China would, collectively, be 22 times as powerful as the people of the United Kingdom. Supremacy based on gender has never been an attractive idea and patriarchal dystopias are no longer in an imagined future, or long buried past, but part of our present. Patriarchy makes us equal in one way, though: men are as arrested in their development as women. Given the challenges of being in charge, you’d think they would be more than happy to hand over the headache and see what difference having women in charge makes. I don’t think women write differently from men, or make movies differently. When it comes to physical effort, there is a difference. But when it comes to intellect, people with the same experiences and same sensitivities end up being the same kind of people, regardless of gender. ‘I am impressed by young women’s energy and competence’ But were the G8 nations governed by angels, they would still be incapable of promoting global democracy. These eight hungry men represent just 13% of the world's population.Historically, what we’ve seen is that when women achieve power in a man’s world, they often out-men the men. Margaret Thatcher was famous for rarely promoting other women. She got off on being the only woman in the room and didn’t want any competition. Nothing is more depressing than a successful woman who wants to score points for being the only one among the boys – reinforcing, rather than challenging, their views of other women. That’s not to say activism doesn’t work in the short term (a lifetime or two) but rather that it’s an illegit means to an end. The Beast Enlightenment Cult is failing and keeps shifting the idol goalposts as it has for more than 400 years (I blame Protestantism) in constant entropy due to illegitimatcy. The convoy isn’t a solution but rather a symptom of that structural failure.

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